"Going out? Been dumped? Are you
waiting for a call that doesn’t come? Have you tasted pain in dating,
drifted through one romance or possibly, several of them? Let’s take a break
from dating, and say Goodbye to kissing.
Most of us are University students. And I believe each of us are having a people we admiring, or not, but yet. Nowadays, among many high school relationships, our romance was premature-too much, too soon. Youngsters are being discouraged, confused, and desperate for an alternative to the cycle of short-term relationships.
Is love just a feeling comes from the romance? I
think we should think beyond what feels good and back to what is Good.
Relationships with the opposite sex can no longer be about “having a good time”
or “learning what I want in a relationship”. They are not about getting, but
giving. Giving which means to lay down our desires and do what is in his or her
best interest. To care for him or her even there is nothing in it for us. To
want the person’s purity and holiness because it pleases God and protects him
or her. Avoid romantic, one-on-one relationships before God tells you that you
are ready.
Most of the books nowadays tell us how to make dating work for us, but
what first comes to your mind if I ask you to take a break from dating? But how
are you going to find the person of your dreams if you stop dating? First of
all, I am not here to want all of you to do things in Christian way, the idea
is that a lot of things we do in relationships today are motivated by
selfishness. We were starting what we can’t finish, we were pursuing romance
when we were real not interested in commitment. So what I am challenging people
to do is rethink your whole approach to relationships.
Maybe you will asked, is
there any other options if it is not commitment? What if both of us are just
out for fun? Does commitment have to be the goal of a romantic relationship?
Your response is very important. I believe that some problem with relationships
today is that we are disconnected romance and commitment, it is dangerous. In
the same way, many people experience
deep hurt when thy open themselves up emotionally and physically only to be
abandoned by someone who proclaims he/she is not ready
for a “serious commitment”.
An
intimate relationships is a beautiful experience that
God wants us to enjoy. All of us
want intimacy, It means being
close to someone. Its being vulnerable,open and dependent. Its giving
and receiving from our deepest part as who we are-our hopes,fears,secrets and
affections. Its one of the most
fulfilling and precious part of life-its
a gift from God. There are many
different kinds of intimate relationships in life. Either a friend, a family
member, a coworker, but the deepest and most meaningful of intimate
relationship is the one between a
husband and wife who share not only their hearts but also their bodies-in
sexual intimacy, two people know each other in a profound way.
What each of these relationships have in common is trust.
Most
of the time,intimacy between a man and a woman lack a purpose or a clear destination.
The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment.
Pursuing intimacy
without commitment awakens desires,emotionally and physically. As the Bible
call this defrauding-ripping someone off by raising the expectations but not delivering on the
promise. It’s a hunger we cannot justly satisfy-promising something we cannot
or will not provide.
Instead of being selfless, its selfish,instead of being patient, its
impatient,instead of looking out for the ongoing good of the other person, its
focused on the needs of the moment. That’s why remembering that intimacy is the
reward of commitment is so important. It’s a practice, Its deciding to do whats
best for others by never asking for intimacy
that you are not able to match
with commitment.
I stop dating not
because I don’t want to get married,not because I don’t enjoy romance,but because I realized that I need to wait on
romance until I can match the pursuit of
intimacy with the pursuit of commitment. It doesn’t mean I have no relationship
with the opposite sex, but rather appropriate relationship and appropriate intimacy. I pursue friendship with girls.
These relationships are meaningful and enriching. What the point is we don't ask for a level of
intimacy and emotionally loyalty that goes beyond our true level of commitment.
If we are not able to deepen in commitment and pursue possibility of marriage,
we should halt the progression of intimacy at the friendship stage. A guy and a
girl meeting each other isn’t that issue. The issue is whether the intimacy
in your relationship is appropriate to your current level of commitment.
As I mentioned, dating in and
itself isn’t the cause of the problems we see in relationships. Sinful and
selfish people are the cause of sinful and selfish relationships,in other
meaning,its our wrong attitude and
values that make for defective dating.
Just as a bar that sells alcohol doesn’t force anyone to drink and isn’t the cause of drunkenness,a
bar is a place created so that people
can have a place to drink and get drunk. You wouldn’t say that
getting rid of the bars would end alcoholism or that everyone who visits a bar has a drinking
problem. There is no judgement about
that, neither would you encourage a
friend who was trying to quit drinking
to hang out in bars. The setting of a bar would only facilitate his likeliness
to succumb to his temptation.
True love isn’t just expressed in passionately whispered words or an
intimate kiss or an embrace; before two people are married, love is expressed
in self-control, patience, even words left unsaid."
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